My hand turned me down
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
