i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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