i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
tell me about the eggs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
