Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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