I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize