Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
