dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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