dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
