Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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