...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
