your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So much rum. So many feels.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
