I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
