I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
