how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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