we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
