Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
