in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
