Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
