Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
