I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
