There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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