Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
