Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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