Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
