he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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