I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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