They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
