After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
