If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
