this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
