I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
