Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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