does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
