u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize