we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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