I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
