I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize