In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
