I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
