I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
