Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
