Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
