So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
