im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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