please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
where does the pee come out of this thing
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
