I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
