okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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