I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
