Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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