You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
