She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
