There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
