The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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