whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
