I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
