Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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