Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
