I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
