They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
