Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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