somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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