Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
