grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
