He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
