Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize