My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
