im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
