ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
