Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
