Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she pinky promised me she was 18
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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