i permit you to call me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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