Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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