It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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