you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize