everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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