Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize