oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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